How do you get into private poker games? Even as someone who’s notoriously not invited to private games, I do have at least some knowledge of how to get into these games. Although almost universally feared, I realized some weird things that actually work to my benefit when it comes to scoring an invite.
My approach to this first begins with the principle of giving more than you take. Giving more than what you take from any situation, whether it’s a poker game or a party, or anything in real life. When it comes to private games, what are they looking for?
Obviously, it helps if you suck, or at least they think there is value in putting you in the game. Game organizers are gambling that you’re going to be of enough value that they’ll make money, and that you’re not going to piss off the whole table.
But even if you are a pro there can be opportunities. Sometimes they don’t mind good players in the game if the VIPs don’t really care who they play against. Certain VIPs actually want a challenge and don’t mind battling against top pros.
This happened to be the case for a certain well-known game in Asia. The hosts of the game were actually looking for the very best players, and I wanted in.
They started giving me opportunities to do them favors. Because of the fact that I’m a top pro, and they could pick from any of the top pros, there had to be a reason to develop some sort of relationship with me. So, I decided to go out of my way to lend them money and do other kinds of favors.
I read a story of this successful businessman and photographer who hosted very big parties in L.A. He took many photos of all sorts of people. He was very extroverted, and revealed that one of his secrets to success was that even when he didn’t have much money at all, an elderly lady he knew who had all the connections in the world needed $25,000. He emptied out his pockets to lend her money for an emergency situation that came up. He knew that this lady was good for it because of her reputation, and that she could open up doors for him.
He lent the $25,000, not telling her that it was all of his money. In return, she helped him gain loads of business and make all the right connections.
Shortly after reading this story, a few people got in trouble with the FBI for sports betting – I can’t say who they were. They needed money, $1 million, and they couldn’t post it themselves for bail.
So, guess who was one of the few people who helped post their bail? They looked to me and I answered the call.
I got all my money back, and sure enough, I got into the game. Sometimes playing the political game can work out in your favor, if all you do is figure out what people want and give it to them.
In truth, I actually had a lot of things working against me at the time, like being obnoxious when I won or lost (and fortunately having certain people think I sucked, which helped a lot.) It happened to be the case that losing and showing emotion made certain people think I was funny. The VIPs liked to laugh at me because I was funny when I lost!
There is a way to show emotion that’s light hearted. Another thing is that when you lose, take it with grace and make a bit of a joke out of it. Ideally, you want to make the other people feel good that they’re beating you, not to make them feel like shit.
Every once in a while, I still take things personally, but it’s pretty rare these days. I’ve mostly fixed that problem – let’s call it 99% solved. It’s much easier when you win, but then again, you can’t be annoying when you are winning either.
If you talk a lot of the time that can be bad. There’s some nuance to this. The money doesn’t really matter to them, but if you win a big pot – shut up. Instead of celebrating, you can make them feel better about losing. Sometimes it can backfire if it feels disingenuous, but there’s definitely a social strategy to how to win. When in doubt, shut the fuck up.
And no one wants advice when they’re losing, especially when they’re out of control.
One of the things that subtly helped me to get into these games was to have more style in my play. It takes a bit more risk to try and exploit people. No one wants to sit there and play boring-ass matches. They want to play games that are exciting, with action.
When you try to exploit people, this inherently gives more action because now you’ll be bluffing and hero calling a lot more and doing things that will create large emotions one way or the other. This is really the key – to create large emotions. It’s far more interesting to everyone else.
Boring is the enemy. You want to do things that will make people feel something in one way or another.
You want people to feel like they really can beat you and they’re getting unlucky, or you want people to feel like you’re bluffing all the time and you’re really lucky. You don’t want to make people feel like they can’t win.
Show bluffs, or to hero call and be wrong, or play too loosely and just do things that are more conducive to people feeling that they’re better than you in some kind of way. You want people to have reasons to come back and play against you again.
There are some subtle things that can prohibit you from getting into private games. Your reputation, in terms of your character, are subtle net positives on the whole. Being honorable is another one. It’s also more plus-EV in poker than being dishonorable, a cheat, and not being kind.
So, to recap how to get into private games, the first thing is it helps if you’re not very good.
Second is playing the political game, which is to do favors for people who have leverage over the game. Preferably, these people are fair and will return the favor.
A third thing is to do things that create more of a polarizing outcome in the game, such as hero calls, bluffing people, playing an exploitative style, playing loose, et cetera. All these things give more action and give people more opportunities to win.
