OK, for those of you who need catching up because you missed the first two parts of this story (shame on you), here is a brief review of what you missed. In Part I, I wrote about a girl I called "Delilah," and how having her move in with me had a negative effect on my poker results. In Part II, I continued with that theme, providing some specific examples of how making poker decisions became more difficult for me with Delilah around.
When I left off in Part II, I was facing a big dilemma. On one hand, I loved this woman and wanted to do right by her, but she was destroying my career. She wasn't a gambler, and she didn't understand the "gambler's code." On the other hand, I needed to get myself out of debt, and the only way I knew how to do that was to focus all of my energy on poker.
As a teenager, I went broke all the time, but I was always able to borrow some money and get back on my feet in a flash. I had good credit at the club where I played because when I needed to, I would bear down and get to work, and everybody knew that.
Well, now things were different. If I decided to do the right thing and focus all of my energy on poker, it inevitably would mean that I'd be neglecting my relationship. So, I was forced to make a choice: my career and passion – or Delilah, a woman I had grown to love.
I hated that it had to come to this. I was hoping that Delilah would come around and understand what I needed to do. She did come around a little bit, but just not enough. She eventually made some sacrifices, but always made sure to somehow make me feel guilty about them.
So, ultimately, I made the decision to "be a man" and take control of my life once again. I decided that I had to get back to work, and if Delilah couldn't handle it, it would ultimately mean that we probably weren't right for each other anyway.
I had a friend stake me in tournaments and side games for a while. It went OK, but I still wasn't doing as well as I would have liked. There was still something holding me back – guilt. I started to feel guilty about my decision. Delilah did stick with me, but things had changed. I knew this wasn't the life she wanted to lead, but it was the life I had to lead at the time. She wasn't happy about my being gone for a month at a time, and I can't say that I blame her for that.
After almost two full years of turmoil, we finally ended the relationship for good. My being gone so long caused us to grow apart. I was at Foxwoods for a month, then spent maybe three days with her, and then was off to Atlantic City for close to another month. After that, I was off to Tunica for yet another month.
Soon after that I was a single guy again, with the freedom to play whenever I wanted. I was back in stride, playing my "A" game, and being rewarded with immediate results. In Part I, I told you that immediately after I met Delilah, I lost 12 out of 13 sessions and about $200,000. Well, the week after our relationship was "officially" over, I won two tournaments, and then cashed in six of the remaining 13 tournaments at the L.A. Poker Classic to win the best all-around player award. I then went back to Vegas, alone, and started crushing the side games.
Now, I can't blame Delilah for all of my mishaps during that stretch. I have only myself to blame for my lack of focus on what was important to me in regard to my career. Still, though, with all of that, I can honestly say that I don't regret even one minute of that relationship. It taught me so much about myself, and I left it with many great memories, as well.
In the end, it wasn't poker that ruined my relationship; that relationship was doomed from the start for a multitude of reasons. It was, however, my relationship that ruined my poker game!
So, is there a moral to this story? After more than 3,000 words, is there anything to be learned from reading this trilogy? Well, if you can take one thing of value from it, it should be the understanding that your mental and emotional state away from the poker table has a major impact on your ability to focus at the table. So, how can you use this information to your benefit?
Well, for starters, simply being aware of this fact is half the battle. Knowing where your lack of focus at the poker table is coming from should give you some insight into how you can go about correcting it.
Another thing to think about is this: Avoid the poker tables altogether when there is a crisis in your life. Breaking even by not playing is better than playing bad and losing.
When I keep telling you to "play hours not results," I'm not just talking about hours – I'm talking about quality hours. If for some reason or another you can't play quality hours, you're better off going to a movie, or dealing head-on with the problems you are facing.
If you'd like to contact Daniel about this column or anything else, you can reach him through his website at www.fullcontactpoker.com.