If you had a chance to read the trilogy I wrote recently regarding alcohol, you'd know I went through some tough times during all of the year 2000, and then most of 2001. What I left out, however, was some of the things that led me to drink and self-destruct. The most damaging was being involved in an unhappy relationship.
Relationships can have different effects on different people. Immediately after I met this woman – I'll call her "Delilah" – I lost 12 out of the first13 sessions I played, and usually no less than $20,000 a session. I tried everything to get out of the funk I was in. I tried taking a week off, then went right back and lost another $20,000 to $30,000.
As I was going through this stretch, I remember a friend telling me a story about what happened to him once he got married. He is a fine all-around player who plays in games in which he is a huge favorite. Anyway, he told me that he lost 20 sessions in a row after he got married. Playing $150-$300, he lost $150,000 during this streak. Could there be a connection? Well, that I certainly can't prove, but I'm guessing there might be.
Maybe the added pressure of earning for two was too much for him. Maybe realizing that he could no longer lead the carefree life of a card player negatively affected his play. And maybe, there was no correlation whatsoever, and it was just random bad luck. I'm not sure.
What I am sure of, though, is that any major changes in your personal life can, and usually will, have an effect on your ability to focus at the poker table. Some changes can be positive (working out, dieting, finding happiness, and so on), while others can really throw you off the track (a death in the family, your spouse committing adultery, being in an unhappy relationship, and so on).
The major change in my life was – for the first time in a long time – being involved in an exclusive relationship, and also living with that person. That's supposed to be a positive change, and everything seemed great at first, despite my losing streak. She wasn't a poker player; actually, she didn't really know what poker was when I met her. She didn't even believe that I played poker for a living. Of course, losing virtually every time I played didn't help my cause much, either!
Before Delilah, I usually dated women in the industry – from fellow players and dealers to cocktail waitresses – all of whom understood (somewhat) what I did for a living and accepted it. I thought dating someone outside the industry would be exactly what I needed, someone to whom I could go home and not have to take my work home with me – an escape, if you will. Then, I met Delilah.
I had been successful in the past explaining to family and friends what I did for a living, and that poker was a "real business." Delilah, however, would prove to be my toughest critic yet.
So, what happened? Why would something that was seemingly a positive change have such a negative effect on me? Was that old saying, "Lucky in love, unlucky in gambling," and vice versa, true? The saying goes something like that, anyway.
What happened was that I was forced to change the routine that made me successful as a poker player. Before I met Delilah, I played poker whenever I wanted, and for as long as I wanted – with no one to answer to. With Delilah around, though, I almost had to arrange with her how often I could play and for how long. In essence, I had someone who had no idea how to gamble for a living making key decisions for me! That concept is a recipe for ruin.
She was living with me in Vegas at the time, and didn't have too many friends there. She was from L.A., so while in Vegas, all she wanted to do was spend time with me. That was sweet and all, and I did enjoy spending my time with her as well – but, man, I had to work sometimes, too! The problem was, she didn't see what I did as work at all. She seemed to think that by going in to play, I was neglecting her. When I said "play," she seemed to think I was going out to play and have fun without her.
So, I ended up playing once a week, and once in a blue moon I got to play twice a week if she had some friends in town. Knowing I could play only once a week, I ended up breaking a million rules I had prepared for myself in seven years of playing professionally. No longer was I "playing hours, not results." I had fallen into that trap of playing for two days straight because I was losing. At the time, it started to feel like I had no choice!
Once I quit a game and went home, I knew I wasn't going to get a chance to make any money for at least another week.
In the next issue, I'll give you a more in-depth look at exactly what I was going through. I'm sure many people will be able to relate to what I have to share in Part II and Part III.
Daniel can be reached through his website at www.fullcontactpoker.com.