by dtools22 | Published Dec 11, 2012
So quite a bit has happened to me in between blog posts, I took some solid variance in the face both online and live and saw my live roll cut in half. Since that happened I’ve been dropping everything else as far as goals are concerned and trying to rebuild my live roll. I’m back to making 5+ trips to Foxwoods a week and grinding my face off. I also took a look at my books to see how successful I’ve been over this full year of grinding. The answer sadly is not nearly as well as I had hoped, and this fact has led me to really evaluate and refine my play during these grind-a-thon sessions I’ve been having. If I’m going to be spending this kind of time at the casino as 2012 draws to a close and 2013 fast approaches on the horizon, I should at the very least spend that time in the best way possible.
Probably the most noteworthy activity these past few weeks has been me going back and looking at how this year has shaped up. The short answer, not well. Point blank, I’m not as consistent of a performer on the felt as I thought I would be. I feel like the aptitude is there. I don’t have trouble grasping the concepts of the game and I can talk strategy with anyone. My problem is just having these occasional “brain fart” moments where I get too call happy and try to ring every last penny out of a particular villain by making the thinnest call downs possible, only to give back about 5 hours of work in a matter of and orbit or two. My conditioning isn’t what it needs to be, namely making sure I play my A-game for longer stretches of time than I have been in the past. There are certainly positives to be gleaned from my experiences this year but I did not think I would struggle this mightily to get out of 1/2NL. I’ve been humbled a tad this year. There’s really no better way to say it, but with that humility has come a strange comfort.
I feel like I’ve taken the worst of it for a good portion of this year both because of my own mistakes as well as some unfortunate bounces of luck. I took a few shots that blew up in my face. There were a few MTTs that I got to the cusp of a nice payday only to watch a cooler or lost coin flip end those dreams. There were several 9+ hour sessions of break even poker. And yet despite all of that, I still have a bankroll to play with and I’m still in action. I’ve met with a few players like me, mid 20s grinders trying to play full time. One thing that had set me apart is that at no point during this year did I lose my bankroll and need to start over. I’ve been in action for one full year, albeit with a smaller bankroll and financial net than I should have but never the less I can keep showing up and working. That’s more than I can say for some of the other grinders I’ve met with this year. I do find some comfort knowing that I’ve been able to manage the adversity better than my peers have (at least the ones I’ve met, I’m sure there are others already grinding 2/5NL having more than built up the roll for it while I’m still slumming it in the 1/2NL games).
My last post before this was titled, “Life Just Ain’t That Bad” and that’s sort of my mentality moving forward. Despite all the problems this year has brought, I’m still here, I’m still fighting on the felt to get better each time I’m there, and I’m still able to chase after my dream job. The sun will rise tomorrow regardless of how badly today goes. All you can do is keep fighting one day at a time.