Life Just Ain't That Bad
by dtools22 | Published Nov 24, 2012
As I’ve alluded to in previous blog posts, I’ve been going through a bit of a downswing these past few weeks. Nothing serious enough to put me out of action, but about half my bankroll went out the window in the span of a few sessions. Now couple that with the fact that many friends and family love to ask how I’m doing it usually makes for me performing some kind of “everything’s ok” tap dance so I don’t have to put up with the ever present employment elephant looming in the back of the room. There are a few people I’m a bit more open with about my day to day activity. Some are because I know they won’t go into a panic over the size of the numbers, some because they also play cards and understand that swings happen, some because I don’t mind talking to the elephant when they bring it up. For whatever reason, one of the people I was more open with was a floor host at Foxwoods who helped me put all this into perspective.
Just to set the stage a bit, I was playing down at Foxwoods and coming off the final day of an awful stretch of cards. As I usually do I look around for the floor hosts and dealers I talk with all the time. One of them happened to be the floor host in my section and he gave me the standard, “how are you doing” questions. This is a guy I have no problem being honest with, he’s a really level headed guy and we’ve talked about everything from sports to pain in the ass grinders in the poker room. When I explained to him that I was down rather big his jaw just kind of dropped. He made a quip about maybe it being time to find some more stable work to which I just gave my standard smile and shake of the head. A little later he actually did something I found really surprising. He took me to the side and started mentioning some places he knew in the area that were hiring. He wasn’t being belligerent about it, he wasn’t trying to jam these options down my throat, but he was expressing a genuine concern for my sanity. He got me thinking about my state of affairs financially as well my emotional health. My response to him is probably not what he was expecting.
He asked at the end of all this if I was happy with my life right now. My response was the only one I knew how to give, “Honestly, yeah. I’m a 25 year old single guy that grew up in white suburbia. I’ve never had a real problem in my life. There really isn’t a whole lot I have to complain about, even though things aren’t going exactly how I thought they would. Life just ain’t that bad man.” After hearing that, he smiled and gave me a pat on the back. We both went about our business for the rest of the day as though nothing had happened.
That response wasn’t exactly off the cuff. I’ve thought long and hard about my relative lack of success and how happy I am with my life as it is today. I may be living in a word that not too many people have tried to be a part of, becoming a professional poker player isn’t as mainstream a dream as say pursuing an acting career, but everyone has some kind of struggle in their life. Those people that don’t struggle are probably the ones who never tried to reach greater heights. I want to do one of two things over the next few years; I either want to have great success playing cards and reach some semblance of stardom in this industry or I want to get this poker thing completely out of my system and move on with my life. If I’m going to fail, I want no stone left unturned. I don’t want to feel like I could have done anything more, I don’t want to have anything left in the tank when all this is over. That way I can just hang my hat on the story and the effort I put into this, and just move on.
Things aren’t always going to be easy or fun, but I’m still enjoying the ride for now so I see no real reason to change.