Tom Schneider

@skputts the only difference between Madonna and Keith Richards is that I could interpret the words she was singing.

Madonna's dancing at half-time had such restricted motion kinda like she was afraid to stretch the elastic waist band on her Depends.

City of Scottsdale summarized both of my college goals on a lit overhead street sign with 4 words: Get Hammered, Get Nailed.

Asked my niece about her xmas: HER: got a 50-state quarter set. I can take that $12.50 and wipe my ass with it. #ShitMyNiecesSays

At crappy fancy pompous restaurant. PRETENTIOUS WAITER SAYS: How R U enjoying UR food this fine evening? I SAY: By not eating it

Know UR not eating enuf ruffage, when pooping, UR face & lips look like a trumpet player trying to hit a high note.

Bummed. Don't like JackInTheBox tacos as much as i used to. Think they're using better quality meat. I hate quality.

@BrettRichey Julie says nice work on the rap song, and thanks for resurrecting the "Stack em" monster. It is aaliiive!

Check out my prior tweet. Julie inspired a rap song by @brettrichey. Pretty good song too. Who knew Brett could rap?

RT @BryanMicon: OFFICIAL @BenbaLamb RAP BY @BrettRichey ♫♫♫♫♫ http://t.co/3TsNIGrr ♫♫♫♫♫ @NormanChad @BrokeLivingJRB @ESPN_Poker @Pokera ...