PokerMania I

To quote the Beatles lyric that is most likely running through World Series of Poker Commissioner Jeffrey Pollack's mind right now, "Help! I need somebody. Help!"

The November Nine experiment has literally blown up in the face of the WSOP. The biggest public relations opportunity in the history of poker features the worst main event final table in the history of the WSOP. The WSOP staff and ESPN now have less than four months to turn one semi-familiar face in the poker world, five self-proclaimed professionals, and three amateurs into a compelling story line. Many people have argued that this is exactly why the November Nine experiment has been implemented; to allow ample time to market and hype up players that otherwise wouldn't grab interest. The problem is that this group of players doesn't even appeal to die-hard poker fans, let alone the general public. The television broadcast will undoubtedly stir more interest as people tune in to watch and discover the champion on television. Especially considering the fact that anyone who is even mildly interested in poker has already known the champion months in advance before the final ESPN show aired in previous years. Let's hope that the world doesn't forget about these nine guys between now and November though.

I have heard arguments over the past couple of days supporting either side, and received more reader email about this one topic than any other during the summer combined. The court of public opinion is leaning against the wait, and at this point the November Nine gamble doesn't look like it is going to pay off. You have to admit though, when the main event was down to 50 players and both Phil Hellmuth (the most famous poker player in the world) and Mike "The Mouth" Matusow (the most compelling poker player in the world) were still in the event, Pollack and the WSOP looked like a collection of geniuses. There were even whispers about Hellmuth and Matusow gracing the cover of ESPN Magazine if they both made the final table. Those whispers soon died, and poker fans pinned their hopes on Brandon Cantu and Tiffany Michelle making it to November. Those hopes died off as well, and now David "Chino" Rheem is the most well-known player at the table. Not that there is anything to hate about the nine players who did make the final table, but this is not good for poker.

So…here are some suggestions to help, taking a nod from the world of professional wrestling, for Pokermania I in November. Because if you're trying to maximize profits with maximum hype, why not go over the top with it?

First things first, the start of this thing needs to feature a "Let's get ready to gamble," kickoff from Michael Buffer (this has happened before so it shouldn't be too hard to make it happen again), and more indoor pyrotechnics than a Kiss concert.

Second, there needs to be entrance music for every player, with their "Manager" and a group of girls escorting them to the final-table stage (repeat pyrotechnics). Think of the way Hellmuth has taken to announcing his arrival in the main event the last two years. Note: "The Gambler" has to be one of the songs featured; and Kelly Kim with the hopeless short stack at this point can walk out to the "Rocky" theme to build some good old-fashioned underdog support.

Third, the main event final table needs to feature the best players and best characters from the poker world when it takes the stage in front of the rest of the world. This has always been a problem in poker because outside of invitational events the best professionals are never guaranteed to make the final table until the final card is dealt on the final-table bubble. How do you solve that problem at Pokermania I? Enter professional poker players as the nine player's managers. Maybe the online site that sponsors each player also offers one of their top-flight pros as a manager. Wouldn't Scott Montgomery look a little more imposing if Phil Ivey was standing behind him leveling the most feared stare in poker world on each and every one of his opponents? Other intimidating managers could include Nenad Medic, Shawn Sheikhan, T.J. Cloutier, and the Mizrachi brothers (as a group package). Other options could include Scott Clements, Erik Cajelais, Sean McCabe and Chris Ferguson, adorned in a full black trench coat, shades, and a cowboy hat. Could it ever hurt to have Jesus in your corner? At some point said managers get involved in a heads-up no-limit hold'em tournament on a side table. Also, at various points of the final table sabotage attempts are made against various players by opposing managers (steel chairs must be involved).

Fourth, announcers are table side for all of the action. Lom McEachern and Norman Chad are joined by two guests…Enter Hellmuth and Matusow for the entire length of the table. Special guests are brought in during the commentary as well, the way it used to be before the broadcasts featured hole-card cameras. Amarillo Slim Preston, Daniel Negreanu, Doyle Brunson, and Barry Greenstein are all among the guest lineup of announcers. Guest announcers also become involved in elaborate plot twists and sabotage attempts during their time in the announcing booth.

Fifth, the final heads-up battle has to be a steel-cage match. As the steel cage is lowered around the final two contestants on November 10, "The Final Countdown" by Europe is blasting on huge speakers, accompanied by…more pyrotechnics.

It is doubtful that any of this will come to pass though. Pollack is from the world of NASCAR so it is more likely that every inch of advertising that is humanely possible will be squeezed out of the event to make as much money as humanely possible. Who doesn't want to see the Nextel flop, the Mercedes-Benz turn card, or the Nationwide Insurance river card? The final table was moved to November to maximize profits through increased exposure, so don't be surprised as Harrahs tries to grab every last penny.

Remember, the WSOP began as a publicity stunt. Benny Binion was trying to draw customers and attention to his casino, in much the same way that the Horseshoes' glass case holding $1 million always had. What we're seeing now is another attempt to grab increased publicity, not just for one casino, but for the world-wide brand that the WSOP has become. This is on a much larger scale than Binion's initial attempts, but in the end the almighty dollar lies at the heart of the decision.

NOTE: This blog will not be updated until Monday, August 4. I will be in Vietnam with John Phan until that time, and the trip will be the subject of the next entry.