Bad News Bowling

Sooooooooooooo I know it's been a while but what can I say? I've been busy. You know; the gym, the Wynn spa (actually I'm proud to say that the hostess knows me by name), high stakes go carting and losing every flip in CCR.

But you say, "Alec, what about poker?"

Yes, that too but if I could only figure out how to make it deep in an event I'd have something to write about. If anyone figures out the secret let me know. (I actually managed to get 12th in the Bellagio 5k for $13,500 but was so tilted to lose 2 huge All - In's to Gobboboy who went on to win it that I can't even deal with talking about it right now.) I actually think I was supposed to post the hand in my Card Player pro analysis section. I was just too tilted. I'll type the hand below for those who care b/c I NEVER blog about poker but that's basically all you're going to get.

Hand # 1: Mid way through the tournament I am one of the chip leaders with 75,000. The blinds are 400/800 w/ 100 ante or whatever. Gobbo shoves second position for 10,700. Late Pos who is a huge station and limp/folds every single hand calls with 50k behind. I have 99 in the SB. I tank/ realize that he's never flatting a huge hand in that spot w/ the timing of his call and is dumb enough to probably fold JJ/AKo if I shove b/c he don't want to gamble so I shove. He snap folds and I have Gobbo crushed with his A9dd. He obv wins a pot for average chip stack and that was that.

Hand # 2: Fast forward to day 2 with 12 left. Gobbo is the chip leader (go figure) and I had just doubled up with AA > AQo (which never happens to me so I [falsely] thought something good might come of it). We were playing 6 handed and the blinds are 5000/10000 with 1000 ante. Gobbo had been raising a bunch of pots. He opens 2nd position to 25,000. I call from the BB with JTdd. Stacks 310,000 effective.

Flop: Kd 5c 6d.

I check he bets 35,000; I call.

Turn 8d.

I bet 65,000; he calls.

At this point I figure he has a wide range of hands. Flushes are possible although unlikely both because of his timing and the fact that I have a flush (blockers on his combinations). Sets are possible as well as big K's with or without a diamond and possibly some combos like 78 or Ad Jc but again less likely. I mainly had him on KQ KJ AK with a diamond. Perhaps QQ with diamond or Aces.

River: Ks

I think for a second and shove. The pot was 65,000 + 65,000 + 35,000 + 35,000 + 25,000 + 25,000 + 5,000 (sb) + 6,000 (ante) = 261,000. At this point I had 185,000 left. I figure he has to call me with KQ AK lower flushes etc. I didn't really see being beat hardly ever unless he had Axdd or sets which are v.v. unlikely. Of course he snaps me off and I know I'm dead. He shows 66 full and I commit suicide. Fortunately I'm a relative of Jesus and I'm back. Onto the interesting stuff.

So we decide to go bowling. We bowl a lot and I suck but it's beside the point. We bowl and we bet meals. We always bet meals. It was late one night after sushi and Saki bombs and we headed over to the New Orleans for some $1/game bowling degen action. How it works is every time someone closes a frame (bowls a strike or spare) they draw a card. At the end of the game if you have more than 4 cards you pick your best 4 (if you have less you use what you have) and we do PLO flips. We all put in a meal in a winner take all degen match. I never win (partly because I never bowl strikes or spares). Anyways I'm getting off topic. We are all drinking, bowling and having a ball. Its Dane's turn to bowl. He somehow manages to throw the ball so high into the air that it hits the ceiling and bounces on the court. (He actually did this twice; the first time he bowled a strike but the ball didn't go so high) the second was a complete disaster and a few heads turned but we soon forgot about it and continued to bowl. Fast forward 10 minutes. Three (I kid you not 3) security guards come over and sit Dane down. They inform him that he needs to pay for the damaged he has caused to the bowling alley. Before I go any further let me explain the situation in a little more detail.

First of all we are at the New Orleans where each game costs $1. The lanes are the greasiest I've ever seen and easily the worst bowling alley I've been to. The "beam" that he hits extends down from the ceiling and goes across the entire bowling alley. It's probably 10 feet in the air and is 2 feet by 2 feet by the length of the bowling alley (which is like 40 lanes). So it's a HUGE HUGE beam. The damaged amount was literally 4 inches by 2 inches. It would maybe cost 10 dollars and take 15 minutes to fix with stucco. Now that you see how ridiculous this accusation (regardless of whether it's true or not) actually is we'll head back to the story.

They go onto say that he is on private property and is being held responsible for the damage. I was on massive tilt. I immediately intervened.

"Wait what's the problem here?"

"That's between me and your friend."

I took the hint and listened. He explained to Dane that the charge was something along the lines of "malicious intent." I burst out laughing. I had to say something.

"Sir, you really think if we wanted to cause harm that this guy would hit the ceiling with a bowling ball? C'mon. And there's no way for you to conclude this is malicious. He could have easily made a mistake because he's a bit drunk and sucks at bowling which I can assure you is actually the case. Furthermore we are the customer and the bowling alley has to assume some risk and not hold us accountable. For example if I'm in a restaurant and break a glass they don't ask questions. Instead they apologize for the mess (assume fault to keep peace) and replace it immediately. This accusation is a big insult. Lastly, we spend hundreds of dollars here weekly both on alcohol and bowling and you're going to send us away somewhere else over an inconsequential matter? That seems absurd."

Broken.

He looked stunned. "There's nothing I can do I'm just doing my job. I didn't call in the complaint I'm just here to report it. If you don't pay for the fine Ill be forced to call the police."

I laughed again.

"Good thing it's not me, that's all I can say. I'd spend the night in jail before I paid for this." Dane didn't share my stubbornness. Instead he paid the officer (for those wondering it turned out to be $50 service charge) and we left never to come back again. But not before we kept every pair of bowling shoes possible. Since Dane was being interrogated they gave him his shoes back without asking for the bowling shoes (normally you give them your shoes as a deposit) so we immediately threw those away. I wore Wynn Spa sandals to the bowling alley (which I have many pairs of) and didn't return them. I kept the bowling shoes as well. I talked to several people and explained them all the same theory as well as the fact that it was actually irrelevant whether he was guilty or not because they are going to lose more money charging us in the long run than they would otherwise because we would never return again. He didn't care. Nobody cared. They wanted their $50.

Before we left the security guard proceeded to take pictures of both the "damage" and Dane. Again I bursted out laughing. Mind you they weren't police at a crime scene. They were security guards at the New Orleans of all places. It was absolutely hilarious. Since I was sitting next to Dane at the time (and he was oblivious to what was happening) I tapped him on the shoulder and pointed up to the camera. "Look your famous! He laughed. Right before the flash went off I put up a finger and smiled

I hope that's the picture they have on file. I wish I had a copy to hang on my wall.

P.S: I ran some numbers. We probably visited the bowling alley once a week 10 times a year with an average of 4 people per visit. Bowling was $1 per game (we played usually 2 - 3 games) and drinks were $5. Shoes were probably the same. We averaged probably 2 drinks per person.

This comes out to the following annually (per person):

$1x2 + $5x2 + $5 = 17 per person. Now multiply that by 10 = $170 annually.

Multiply that by 4 people = $680.

The real figure is much higher because we average 4 people per time. But that means we have a rotation of about 10 people that actually bowl with us on a regular basis. Obviously, none of these people are going back to the New Orleans so they are really losing upwards of $1500 annually for charging us $50; netting them -$1,450/year.

Being that games are $1 that's pretty sick. In poker terms; it's a lot of BB's...