Life and Women

Hey All! For the first time in a while I’ve had the passion to write. My mind’s been so damaged (joke) from countless hours of poker that I couldn’t think of anything creative to write. It’s 2:20 am and I suddenly had a vision. That being said, I’m officially back for season two of the blogs! For those of you expecting to hear about final tables, TV, media, hands, poker and more, guess what!?!?! You are in the wrong place. Because here we talk about everything but poker. Occasionally if something major happens I’ll throw in an entry or two, but being that I had two TV final tables this summer and got signed to Doyle’s Room as a pro and didn’t dedicate more than an introduction to the subject, don’t expect to be hearing much!

P.S. If anyone has a radio talk show they want me to guest host (poker or otherwise), its on my 25 × 25 (25 things I want to do by age of 25) and I’d be greatly appreciative.

Side note: I’m really excited to start blogging again and I plan on doing this regularly now that the series is over. Writing has been one of the best outlets for me and I’m mad at myself for slacking this summer. I’m going to make a concerted effort to write more regularly. I’m sorry if this blog is slow, unorganized or illiterate – I’m a bit rusty.

Life and Women

As is often the case with many realizations I’ve had, this one started per a phone conversation I recently had with Luke Kim and Andrew Robl. As one could imagine, a favorite topic among 22 year old bachelors is women. We’ve had many interesting discussions coving an eclectic array of topics, however there is one in particular which intrigued me beyond any other. At some point, our conversation shifted to promiscuity. While I have only touched the surface of this subject, I am going to attempt to shed new light on the idea (of promiscuity) and cover some often concealed aspects. We tried our best to relate such incidents to things we knew best, namely poker.

As is often the case, we found an extreme amount of similarities between poker and women! Now before you write me off like I’m a single 22 year old who’s had one girlfriend (oh wait, that’s me!), hear me out. As is typical of young adults, I thought I knew everything. I just recently found out that I don’t. It was Socrates who said, “the only thing I know, is that I know nothing.” It was a humbling day the day I realized that to be true.

Growing up, I was raised to be a Christian and my ideals of women were confined to the ideals of the religion. Before an inordinate amount of testosterone hit me around 18, I had big plans. I was waiting until marriage. I also had this ambitious dream that I would marry my first girlfriend (this was before I even met her, just the idea appealed to me). A few shots of vodka later and a welcome week at college changed all that. I made my way through several trials and errors, but each time learning more and more about what I liked and disliked. And I’m not just talking about sexually. Nearly everything I found attractive in a girl in my teens has changed. I could only imagine how much more my likes will change in the future.

It scares me to think that several of my friends have recently gotten married. I shouldn’t be one to talk, as I’m currently head over heals for my Swedish girl, however somehow when I’m the one involved it all seems to make sense. In any event, many of these friends have only dated one or two people and claim that they met “the one.” Lets see how poker fits into this. I often hear (amateur) poker players tell me that they are good at poker. Most of the time, I don’t press the issue. The few times I have mistakingly done so, I have been rather disheartened. A typical conversation would go something like this.

“So you play a lot of poker?” I would ask curiously.
“Yea all the time.”
(Pause)
“My friend has a game at his house once a week and I won the past three times.” Or they would say something to the effect of, “My friend had a tournament last week and I came in second!”
“Ohhhhh. That’s ummm. Awesome! Congrats.”

The problem many new poker players make is that they often attribute skill to mere variance. If one plays three live poker sessions totaling say 10 hours – at 20 hands an hour (slower for live home games with distractions like drinks, tv, food, conversation, etc.) that’s 200 hands. I’ve regularly had downswings that have lasted over 100 times that. Let me do the math for you, that’s 20,000 hands. My point being, that one cannot be sure after such a short sample size that they can determine with a high degree of certainty that they are winning players. I have found this to be true in many other fields of study. One cannot assume a lawyer is good if he wins merely one case. One cannot assume a sports team is good after winning one game. One cannot assume a basketball player is good after making one shot. This is why we are so commonly asked for credentials or a resume. If we only have one thing on our resume or college application, the employer or school assumes that we are not worthy of a given position. Do you see where this is going? Back to women.

Let’s say for example that I go ahead and marry my first girlfriend Kim. Granted she was, well is, a great girl. Often times when we would fight I remember her saying, “you want to know if there’s anything better out there.” Naturally I would constantly deny this. While this wasn’t necessarily the reason for our breakup (nor am I suggesting it be for anyones) the idea holds some weight. I do have a feeling that if I married the first girl I was with (regardless of whether it was Kim or not) I would always secretly wonder if I made the right choice. Since my sample size was literally one, I knew no better, nor did I know any worse. Keep in mind that we aren’t necessarily talking about sex here. I could date many women, not sleep with any of them (or very few of them) and make a much more educated decision than if I married the first one I dated. Also, things I say to her hold much less weight. Imagine saying the following romantic phrase to your spouse.

“Honey, I love you. You are the only one for me.”

Now if I were the spouse, I couldn’t help but laugh at the ludicrous nature of this statement for it holds no weight. I would inevitably retort (and this is why I’m single and probably will be forever. I actually have a bet with a friend that I will get married after him.) with something like, “how can you be sure?” or "Of course you think that, I’m the only person you’ve ever been with. You couldn’t possibly think anything else. There’s a famous line that appears frequently in movies where a sibling will say to the other, “You are my favorite sister,” upon which she would respond, “What do you mean? I’m your only sister!” I mean lets face it. The spouse with this rebuttal would have a point. How could you really be sure that you made the right decision? I mean if you are thinking in your head something like, “well we are meant to be.” That’s fine. Great. I hope you make it. I would argue that you got rather lucky and it could be an overwhelming coincidence that it turned out great. Also, another problem is choice. Studies show that the more choice people have, the less happy they are and less likely they are to make a decision. While that may be true and is a very good counter argument to me (and could be the reason marrying your first could work, because you literally don’t know any different) I believe that knowledge is power and the more educated one is in the opposite sex, the more likely they are to make a better decision when it comes to a partner. While it is often frowned upon to be promiscuous, let’s take the same romantic phrase, only this time lets imagine it’s coming from James Bond, Cassanova, or Alfie.

“Honey, I love you. You are the only one for me.”

Wow. How strong is that. He could even extend the compliment further by saying, “you know, I’ve been with 100 women from 42 countries and out of all of them, you are the one.” I mean that’s pretty damn strong. I’m not saying you should fuck anything that walks, but if you do, at least you are going to be able to say with a fairly high degree of confidence that you made the right decision. After all, the more hands we play, the more accurate our results will be.

A counter argument to this theory could be the idea that ignorance is bliss. If you could recall your first time trying ice cream. The smooth, creamy sensation combined with the sweet taste probably made you want to savor each bite. You probably thought this regardless of what flavor you had. Let’s say for example that you only had Vanilla. Well you would think me a fool for trying to convince you that Chocolate or Strawberry was far superior. And you would surely think I was from another planet if I tried to elaborate further and explain the flavors of Rocky Road, Mocha Almond Fudge or Vanilla Heath Bar Chocolate Chip Swirl with a Cherry on top. The same goes for cheese pizza vs. Greek pizza. One cannot help but be content only having what they know (especially because, like sex ANY form of pizza or ice cream is always better than spinach.) Even if it’s bad, it’s still better than average. Now imagine if you gave that hopeless person a taste of chocolate and strawberry. Well suddenly he might have a different favorite. Or at least be aware that another possibility exists. That being said, I think it is optimal to have ONE partner or A LOT of partners. Anywhere in-between and you are just left wondering what else is out there.

To use myself as an example I originally (when I was 18 and younger) that America had the most attractive, pleasant and suitable women. As I grew older and traveled more, I have found quite the opposite. Ironically, Americans now rate dead last in terms of women I’ve met and been with. I MUCH prefer Australian, Swedish and Czech but I would be willing to bet that almost any European city would trump the states (similarly to saying that given you like chocolate and mint you could say with a high degree of certainty that you are going to like Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, despite having never tried it.)

It’s been a while since I’ve written, but I hope this was idea was as thought provoking for you as it was for me. It feels good to write again, and it should be more consistent from now on. I’ve been around the world and back and I have a lot of good stories. We have lots to catch up on…

Until Next Time!

~ Trah ~