Whatever Makes You Happy

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as we prepare for takeoff, will you please insure that your seat-backs are at their full and upright position, your tray tables are locked and all luggage is safely stowed in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you. At this time, we now ask that you turn off all electronic devices and fasten your seat belts."

I took note of an ad in the magazine with a picturesque photo of a couple sitting on a white sand beach with the catchy title "Whatever Makes You Happy." I took a second to think about what this ad was really saying. The advertisement was for Grand Lido Resorts and Spas, and was strongly implying that a new found level of happiness would be attained should you be one of the fortunate few who made it to their hotels. I, for no fault of my own, have this preconceived idea that if I can only make it out there, things would be better. If I can only make enough money to do this, win one major tournament and do that, I would somehow find lasting happiness. We are bombarded with ads about destinations that coincide with descriptions like paradise, happiness, bliss, luxury, etc – all of which trigger an emotional stimuli in our heads which makes us think will bring about a change. The same holds true for owning a new luxurious vehicle, a extravagant purse, a new pair of shoes or anything of this nature. The list can go on forever. But what does this all really mean? Is it as true as they say? Naturally, this sparked some thinking and I thought back to the times I've been fortunate enough to enjoy a luxurious stay at places like this. I tried to pinpoint what about the trip I liked, disliked and so on. I realized too, that I had been to my fair share of these places. Four times I've been to the Bahamas, ten to Hawaii and twice to Aruba. All of these have been remarkable experiences, and I must admit, I came back with a sense of peace, relaxation and an increased feeling in happiness. I couldn't disagree with the slogan. But perhaps I don't have to…



I sat there for sometime before having another quaint realization. I cannot spend my entire life on a deserted island getting pampered by the amenities of a 5 star resort. What about the other 350 days a year I spend at home? What about finding happiness for those times? Surely there has to be a way. This seemed like a far more practical question to be asking and making an effort to master. It doesn't take a scholar in the subject to find contentment for 10 days on a remote island. But it's often a much bigger struggle to do it during our daily lives, especially when things are not going our way.

Let me start by asking you something. But you must promise to answer the question honestly and think of the FIRST word that pops into your head. Are you ready? What word do you most associate with success? Well you would not be alone if you said something that correlated with money. I too, have this pop into my head for it is ingrained in us to believe such hogwash. What about happiness? We spend our entire lives trying to accumulate useless material and for what? Because either consciously or subconsciously we think it will make an improvement in our happiness level. To some extent we are right. Material things, sipping Pina Coladas (especially those with tiny umbrellas in them) and even achievement, all fall into this category of temporary happiness accumulation (more will be touched on this in the following blogs). However what's important now is that our happiness should be the most important factor in our lives. Yet so often it is overlooked and it takes a back seat to our material pursuits. After all, everything we do in some way or another, we do in order to boost our levels of happiness. Think about it. Why did you make your last recreational purchase? Why did you take that last vacation? Because you wanted something? Because you enjoy it? It all boils down to the fact that you thought, in some way or another, either through social status, fame, appreciation, utility, etc., that it would make you happier. We work endless hours, take vacations, accumulate things all because we think it will make us happy! However, we spend little time and energy doing our homework. In Tal Ben Shahar's book "Happier", he says the following, "If we wanted to assess the worth of a business, we would use money as our means of measurement. However, if we wanted to assess the worth of a human, we would measure their happiness." You see money, has no intrinsic value. The same holds true for fame. However, happiness does. Many of us (I'm using myself as the essence of this example), spend far too much time on increasing our wealth thinking it has a direct correlation with our happiness. Let me tell you, nothing can be farther from the truth. Money suffers from the severest case of "diminishing marginal return" and for every extra dollar made, it becomes less and less relevant to our lives. I'm sure many of you reading this blog, especially the poker players, have an exorbitant amount of money in comparison to what is really needed, especially for your demographic. Yet surely there are happier people spending time in a remote village in Italy who have only what they need. I've seen them first hand and although some poker players make more than an entire city combined, the entire poker community isn't as happy as one of these humble people. Ever wonder why this is true? The nature for this is understandable as I explained in the paragraphs above. We are consumed and fed this gibberish since birth that if we keep working and grinding up the corporate ladder, one day we will magically be happy.

Now that we've established what's really important, we have a new found way of making decisions. Instead of using many different currencies to make our decisions, what if we united this into a universal currency that Shahar so fervently advocated? After all, wouldn't that make one's decision making process easier? It's often hard to weigh certain factors because we are arbitrarily trying to conclude which one would be better for our lives. For example one may try to weigh the benefits of taking a new job for a pay increase at the expense of moving. Whether the decision proves to be right or wrong is beside the point. However, we have a tangible amount for what the difference in income will bring us, but how do we measure what the discomfort of a move will bring us? We can now unite these differences into one universal currency, happiness!



That being said, we need to define what being happy really means. Unfortunately, the English language is partially to blame for this. In many other languages, they have multiple words to express the same feeling. The word "love", for example has multiple meanings in French. To say, "I love this shirt and I love you are two different ways of using the word entirely. On the contrary, in English you say "I love this cookie" and "I love you" to your counterpart and it is said the same way. In essence, this cheapens the word.

To some extent, the word "happy" falls into this category. I remember sitting in high school spanish class (kill me now) and learning how to say different phrases. For example when someone asked, "como estas?" or "how are you?", we were taught several common ways to respond, among which were bien, mal or good and bad. We could also say feliz and triste or, happy or sad. For those of you who are familiar with Spanish language, these feelings or emotions are not constant. For those things that are constant you must use the verb "ser" (to describe something's location for example) not the verb "estar." This implies that our happiness is not at a constant state but changing depending on a momentary basis. For example you can be happy that you got a good parking spot or unhappy that there was an accident on the way to see Taylor Swift. However this temporary state of being will change depending on events happening in your life, most of which are extremely trivial. This is not the kind of happiness I am concerned with for ones ability to control it is limited. It is a fruitless pursuit and will only provide temporary fulfillment. Like the luxurious stay in the Cayman Islands, the "high" will only last a short while before one must return to reality. We constantly respond to questions and states of being with happy, sad, good, bad and we use them interchangeably. This is part of the problem. For purposes of this article, I will say that one can be good or bad, and this temporary state can change depending on external factors. However, for one to say they are happy or sad is a completely different story. To me, it implies that I as a person am happy, meaning I am content, directed and grateful. I am content with my current being, how I handle myself, my reputation, my occupation, etc. I am directed in the sense that my life is moving in the direction I want it to be and am pursuing passions that I've always wanted (piano, singing, travel, etc). I am grateful of what I have, things I've experienced, etc and not envious of those around me. Even the dictionary will disagree for if you look up "happy", it said a feeling of contentment. But what good is that? My feelings are extremely susceptible to change. Why would I want my happiness to rely on something so volatile? Surely there has to be a way to secure one's happiness in a more reliable fashion that your current 401K's. The question remains then, how then can we find lasting happiness?